The following is a letter that I wrote to the Lord before I came home from camp this summer.
My heart grows anxious with the thought of returning to normal life. I am afraid that my passion will fade, my joy will disappear, and the fire in my heart will die. I ask that you would help me bring this experience home and that I would continue to live out this passionate and bold life that you have so evidently called me to live. I pray that I would continue to discover each day how I can live out my faith more confidently. I want to grow more and more in love with you and I pray that my love and passion for you would be evident to all; I want your radiant love to shine through me so much that others would desire this love for themselves and thus be drawn to you. I ask for a spirit of power, courage, boldness, love, passion, and confidence. And Father, help me to continue to be sensitive to your Spirit. Help me to continue to love your people and to see the beauty in them. I want to be your hands and feet Lord Jesus. I want to leave a legacy that speaks of your awesome power, love, and grace. And finally Lord, give me the strength and courage to live in this manner. Help me to seek you daily, to be renewed in your Spirit, and to have my cup filled by you. I love you so much Lord God!
As I reflect upon this letter, I am reminded of my own personal "theme" or focus for the summer which was to fall in love with Jesus once again. (I honestly had forgotten about it until I read the letter.) I was somewhat satisfied with the things I saw and heard from God....But, due to some events, I ended the summer totally heartbroken. It seemed as if I had taken one step forward and then two steps back. I prayed to God one night, asking Him why He let this happen to me, why was my heart broken when I had asked Him to fill it? My answer wasn't loud or instant or simple. He couldn't just "tell" me his plan, He had to show me. Now I see that my heart was so incredibly weak and fickle. Sometimes are hearts have to be fully broken in order for them to be fully healed. He led me to a place of total brokenness... a place where He truly was all that was left. I was no longer able to commit adultery against the Lover with false idols. He was truly my only option. I cannot say that I am now totally healed..I understand that it is a process. But it is when God's grace and healing power flow through my heart, that I grow deeper and deeper in love with Him.
Thank you Father for your healing power, for your unending grace, and for your boundless love.