Sunday, January 31, 2010

Silence

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 91:1

For the past week, instead of writing blog posts, I have been in prayer over taking an extended break from blogging, facebook, and all of the many other distractions I have. Over time, I have realized how much of an idol these things have become to me. I quickly race to the computer as soon as I get home to check my email, facebook, etc. This is sad. The Holy Spirit has been SERIOUSLY convicting me of this lately, and I am beginning to feel God's true heartache when I don't rush to spend time with Him. My mama told me about this post she read about how we are so attached to our cell phones (for example) nowadays. We would go clear across town if we forgot our cell phone at home. My cell phone has pretty much become attached to my hand. I'm always texting, or emailing, or checking my facebook (IMAGINE THAT!). But throughout this past week God has really been revealing to me how serious this is. Why don't I rush "all the way across town" when I forget about Him? I so desire true intimacy with Him, yet I lack the self-discipline to commit myself to doing whatever it takes to get there. The slothful, selfish, and truly lazy flesh has taken over. I cannot allow this to happen anymore. Thus, I am taking a period of silence. I don't want to keep the Lord waiting any longer. I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to love him longer and deeper now. I am going back to the secret place, to dwell with my Lover and Savior. Breathe Him in, breathe Him out. Silence.


Hannah Rose

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Captivating

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17



I stumbled across this verse today and was completely swept off my feet. To think that the one who took the time to design each unique pattern of the veins on a leaf, the one who contemplated the function of gravity, the one who constructed the entire solar system, is the same one who sings over each one of us. How can such a great God find delight in a small and fragile human? And it's not only delight, it is GREAT delight! How amazing is our God?! "He will quiet you with his love." That sounds a lot like romance to me. I want to be quieted by his love. I want to feel that peace that comes from having intimacy with Him.
The Creator has designed women to desire to be considered captivating. Women, myself included, long to feel beautiful, strong, and admired. We want someone to be in awe of us. We seek the admiration of a lover. These longings were not designed to be fulfilled by human love and admiration. It was specifically and intricately shaped to be matched with God's love and admiration. Isn't it so comforting to know that we don't need to chase after the attention of others, not being guaranteed of our desired response, but that the one who can truly satisfy our longing is totally and readily available to us, and that He will NEVER fail us? This is incredible! He is captivated by us! His loyalty to us is so astounding....If you truly desire to know how intense God's desire for you is, I would strongly encourage you to read 2 Samuel 22. It is one of my FAVORITE passages, and gives me chills every time I read it. I think it gives us a glimpse of how much God loves us, and how mighty he truly is for saving us.


Many Blessings!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Reflecting

The following is a letter that I wrote to the Lord before I came home from camp this summer.

Lord God,
My heart grows anxious with the thought of returning to normal life. I am afraid that my passion will fade, my joy will disappear, and the fire in my heart will die. I ask that you would help me bring this experience home and that I would continue to live out this passionate and bold life that you have so evidently called me to live. I pray that I would continue to discover each day how I can live out my faith more confidently. I want to grow more and more in love with you and I pray that my love and passion for you would be evident to all; I want your radiant love to shine through me so much that others would desire this love for themselves and thus be drawn to you. I ask for a spirit of power, courage, boldness, love, passion, and confidence. And Father, help me to continue to be sensitive to your Spirit. Help me to continue to love your people and to see the beauty in them. I want to be your hands and feet Lord Jesus. I want to leave a legacy that speaks of your awesome power, love, and grace. And finally Lord, give me the strength and courage to live in this manner. Help me to seek you daily, to be renewed in your Spirit, and to have my cup filled by you. I love you so much Lord God!

-Rose



As I reflect upon this letter, I am reminded of my own personal "theme" or focus for the summer which was to fall in love with Jesus once again. (I honestly had forgotten about it until I read the letter.) I was somewhat satisfied with the things I saw and heard from God....But, due to some events, I ended the summer totally heartbroken. It seemed as if I had taken one step forward and then two steps back. I prayed to God one night, asking Him why He let this happen to me, why was my heart broken when I had asked Him to fill it? My answer wasn't loud or instant or simple. He couldn't just "tell" me his plan, He had to show me. Now I see that my heart was so incredibly weak and fickle. Sometimes are hearts have to be fully broken in order for them to be fully healed. He led me to a place of total brokenness... a place where He truly was all that was left. I was no longer able to commit adultery against the Lover with false idols. He was truly my only option. I cannot say that I am now totally healed..I understand that it is a process. But it is when God's grace and healing power flow through my heart, that I grow deeper and deeper in love with Him.


Thank you Father for your healing power, for your unending grace, and for your boundless love.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Destroying the Idols

I was inspired by a song I was listening to the other day that stated, "Destroy the idols that have taken your place, until it's You alone I live for..." During my quiet time the other day, I prayed that God would reveal to me some of the idols that have taken His place. (I say some because I know that there are WAYYYY too many to take on at once). He was quick to show me a couple of idols that have definitely consumed a large portion of my life. I have realized over time that idols can be anything. I used to think of them as maybe a certain possession that a person is consumed by, but now I have come to realize that idols can be anything. Whether it be food or TV, Facebook or myspace, sleeping or listening to music, an idol is anything that takes the place of the joy that Christ gives you. It is a substitute delight. It makes me sad to think about how many idols I really do have and that I have substituted the potential joy that the Lord offers with an earthly delight. It must really break the Lover's heart when his Beloved chases after false suitors and wastes her time pouring her heart, spending her time, and wasting her life away on something that will never love her back. We waste, or at least I, waste so much of my time chasing after things that I think will "love" me back, or at least, make me feel adequate and special. It makes me sad to think about how so many people in this world, especially women, are so lost when it comes to chasing after false lovers. We have been fed lies that we are inadequate, unoriginal, boring, ugly, worthless, and trite. It angers me so much when I see all of these commercials advertising ridiculous beauty products, clothes, and procedures that will, essentially, make you feel good about yourself. What they are implying is that there is something wrong with you, and you need to be fixed, altered, and/or changed. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?! These campaigns create "problems" with the way we were created and then offer up "solutions" that will cure it. One of the greatest idols in our world today (and I am totally guilty of this too) is our own image. We idolize fitness, health, "beauty," clothing, etc. It must seriously break the heart of our Lord when He sees how dissatisfied we have become with His creation. We have exchanged the truth of God which tells us that we are complete, beautiful, worthy, valuable, and holy in Him... for a lie.

Loving and Gracious God, help me to pursue you first. Destroy the idols that have taken your place, until it is You alone that I live for.

Amen

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Beautiful Redemption

Progress since my last post: ZERO. To be honest, I have continued in my same old lethargic pattern since I described my starving romance. I came across an old journal entry and I found that the prayer I had then, matches the prayer in my heart now. I love how we are all free to be vulnerable with the Father. I know that He never laughs at our ambitions, our "dreams," or even our insecurities. It brings peace and rest to my heart.
"We haven't spoken in ages... This is all my doing. My first selfish inclination is to create elaborate excuses for my unacceptable lethargy, but I know that none of them would have any value. I have no excuse. I am a selfish person. I first pursue my self-preservation. I scheme out ways to "better" my life, or at least, what I think would make me happy, and I desire to glorify and satisfy myself above all else. I am a selfish person. I feel so weak and inadequate when I come to you like this; having nothing of eternal worth or value to offer up to you. All that I can give is my heart, soul, and mind. Father, you are so magnificent and awe-inspiring. That you would give us free will; the freedom to accept or reject you... Now THAT is unfathomable love. Papa, I'm sorry. Forgive me of my many transgressions. I am a lowly, despicable, and disgusting sinner. But Father, I have no chance or hope of life without you. I need you. I need you to love me and accept me. Papa, in total honesty, I often feel so insecure. I feel like I never measure up, like I don't have any talents or gifts. But I know your love changes that. I am now viewed through your perfect eyes; the eyes that see my potential, my pain, my joy. Father, help me to focus on you first. Above all, I ask to grow more in love and in understanding of you. I love you. -Amen"

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A Starving Romance

I am beginning to realize how truly selfish and lazy I really am. For so long I have asked God why I cannot see Him or hear Him and why my love for Him often feels non-existent. I have finally found the answer...I am not devoting myself to Him (at all)! I make so many excuses as to why I can't spend time with Him. I complain about being too tired or not in "the mood." How pathetic! No wonder my romance with my Lord is starving! I am not feeding it at all. How can a romance develop or intimacy be established when time alone is not spent? A reader told me about this video, and I found it truly inspiring. I hope that you will also find it both encouraging and thought-provoking.


The web address for the video is : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZfOaZz5xl0&feature=related.

Enjoy!


Many Blessings,
Hannah Rose

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Man I Want to Love; the God Who Fills My Desire

Today, I decided to take a look at my "What I Want in a Man" list, and came to an exciting discovery. As I read through the list, I saw how God has so surpassed all of these expectations for me. He has been present in so many ways that I haven't even recognized. And He holds the power to fill all of these desires that I have. I pray that the Father will teach me to run to Him for fulfillment. It is the only way I can quench the hunger and thirst for true love and intimacy.

The Man I Want to Love

"Strong, brave, and passionate, this man is characterized by a depth that radiates from his core. A strength that is under control, but ready and willing to take on opposition. A man of conviction and passion, willing to rise up in the face of adversity to do the right thing, to be present and pursue his purpose. Capable and committed to the cause of Christ, this warrior is devoted to the secret place and seeking the face of the Almighty. A servant from the depths of his heart; his strength is used for good. A man of honor and integrity, he will not tolerate the counterfeit. His tender heart creates an environment for the women in his life to flourish as the women they were created to be. He protects their hearts and emotions with genuine wisdom and concern. He raises up the next generation of men to be passionate lovers of God, and leaders in their spheres of influence. He is greatly respected by casual observers, and deeply cherished and loved by those who know him closely. His heart is fully devoted to God first in his life. He is a man of faith, a visionary, dedicated to the place of prayer so that he can go out into the world with the very heartbeat of Heaven. He is a hard worker, a trustworthy friend, and a loyal companion. He knows what he wants in life and he knows what he wants in a wife. He sees the value in what I have to offer, the beauty that I have to unveil, and pursues me with honor to win my heart. He sees the beauty in people and loves with the heart of God. A worshipper in everything he does, this spiritually mature man of God has specific goals for his life and he pursues them with zeal. Peaceful, forgiving, and compassionate, he seeks to be transformed into the likeness of Christ. A man I can respect and honor because I know that the Spirit of God is in him, he is a spiritual leader, and he will be my warrior when I need him. He is a protector and defender of those he loves and the truth."

Amen

Monday, January 11, 2010

Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours

I have seriously underestimated the tenderness of God's heart. Many years ago, I had a cold, dark, and hard heart. Nothing could penetrate it. I hated crying because I considered a sign of weakness. I hated being compassionate, I hated talking to people. I didn't want anyone to see or know my heart. As I journeyed further along, I beseeched God, asking Him to break my heart. I begged for Him to transform it, to soften it, to shape it to be like His. I prayed, "Break my heart for what breaks yours." One area of specific hardness in my heart was towards my brother. I will not go into detail, but he has brought tremendous heartache and pain to me and my family. And I so hated him for it. To be perfectly honest, there was a point where I truly wanted him to die. (I am being completely serious.) I have never hated a person so much in my entire life. When I had asked God to break my heart and to make me more sensitive, I had no idea how seriously He took me. I cannot even convey the depth of transformation that the Father has done in my heart. I am only saying this as a testimony to the power of his compassion and sensitivity. I am at a loss for words to explain how deeply I love my brother now. I have never loved a human being so much. But what gets me is that this unexplainable love absolutely did not come from me. The love that I have for my brother was not deserved at all, to say the least. On the world's scale, I have every right to hate him and to wish him dead. This love is supernatural and is a lesser example of the all-surpassing love that Christ has for us. Anyway, to finish my original topic... Last night I attended a once-a-month event for college students at my church. During worship, the band played the song "Healer" by Hillsong United. A dear friend of mine told me long ago that whenever she sings that song, she sings it on behalf of my brother. As I stood next to her singing the song, I decided to sing it like she sings it. I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and compassion towards my brother. I broke down. It was powerful and unexpected. The presence of the Holy Spirit was so real and so deep.
We celebrate and love a compassionate and sensitive God. His heart breaks for the broken and bruised, the crushed and confused. Don't underestimate the power of his tender heart. His heart breaks when we chase after things of this earth. When we don't return His love, He breaks. His tender heart so desires us. Despite the many times that I have failed and rejected Him, his mercy and love still remains. He still is there, waiting with open arms to embrace my broken heart. Love on his heart today. Celebrate His tenderness and compassion. Recognize that He is loving you with a sensitive heart. He is the only one who can show you the beauty of True Love.

Many Blessings!
Hannah Rose



(His) Healer

You hold his every moment
You calm his raging seas
You walk with him through fire
And heal all his disease

Let him trust in you
Let him trust in you

I believe
You're his healer
I believe
You are all he needs
I believe
You're his portion
I believe
You're more than enough for him
Jesus, you're all he needs

Nothing is impossible for you
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for you
You hold his world in your hands

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Who Am I?

Today, my papa and I decided to take my car to church today. As I began going through the songs on my iPhone, I came to the song "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns. As my papa and I listened to the words he said something that really touched my heart in a simple yet captivating way. He said (paraphrased), "If we actually think about it, it truly is amazing what God has done for us. I mean, think about the hundreds of trillions of people who have gone before us. God knew their purposes, their thoughts, and their personalities. But He also knew their struggles, their hurts and pains, and their joys. And now, there is us. He knows all of those things about us too." What an awesome God we serve! One unlike any other "god" or god-substitute out there. One who shows us compassion and mercy beyond all explanation. Who are we really? That the Almighty God and Deliverer would even take time to even think to make you or I. That He would fashion you, breathe life into you, name you, know you. That He would create you, knowing that you have the free will to acknowledge Him as Creator of All or not. That He loves you so much and grants you freedom to love Him in return. It takes my breath away. There is no earthly explanation for this kind of love. It's foreign. It's supernatural. We were not created to understand all, but we were designed to be in love with Him and to live for Him alone. Dwell on the fact that we truly are flowers quickly fading; here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind. Yet He still answers us when we call Him, He catches us when we are falling. He tells us who we are. We are HIS!

Love on Him and celebrate how precious He truly is!

Many Blessings!
Hannah Rose

Saturday, January 9, 2010

The REAL DEAL

As I was reading today in my new book Falling In Love With Jesus, I was forced to think through something that I have been ignoring for some time. For the past six years of my life, every single time I tried to "give my heart away" to someone or something, I heard Him. I knew every single time that this would not satisfying my longing for love and intimacy. Even though it was still and small, it was there. He was there. And every time I heard that whisper, I intentionally ignored it and then rationalized to myself that I knew better and that things would work out. Oh how wrong I was! Every single attempt to fulfill my satisfaction through the world's offerings miserably failed. I seized every opportunity to avoid submission to his love because I "knew better." Earthly love seemed quick and easy to obtain. Earthly love is like getting a sugar-high before a race. You may be sustained and energized for 15 minutes, but then after it wears off, and you are exhausted. You cannot finish the race, or you simply lose. I see now how vastly different God's love truly is. His love never fails. It always endures. To finish the comparison... His Love is like eating carbs before your race. It will keep you energized throughout the race and you will be able to finish, keeping a steady pace throughout the duration. So, why do we settle? I do not know the full answer to this question yet. But I do know that earthly love is absolutely NO substitute for His irreplaceable Love. I have seen and tasted earthly love, and it fails... every time. I had to see my attempts to quench the thirst with cheap substitutes totally fail to see that His Love is so much better. It is the REAL DEAL!

Friday, January 8, 2010

A Subtle Sentiment

I was romanced today by a beautiful song by Brandon Heath called "Love Never Fails." I listened to it over and over as I was driving, as I stared at the moon straight ahead. I felt this sense of being lullabied; this peace came over me. It wasn't a profound movement in my soul, it was more like a gentle song being whispered to my heart. I am learning that romance requires a response. Let's take the picture of a man romancing a woman, perhaps bringing her roses, making her a fancy dinner, or writing her a song. If the woman does not respond in a negative or a positive way, the relationship will become stagnant. The man keeps trying to pursue her and win her over, yet he is forgotten and neglected. When the woman chooses to overlook and ignore these romances, they will seem less and less important and eventually become invisible to her. Perhaps that is why God's pursuit of our hearts seems subtle. We, or at least I, have so long ignored and overlooked his romantic pursuits that I have become immune to them. When I do happen to notice them, they seem petty and obscure. Most often I am not paying attention. If we were to take a step (or two) back and ask the Lord to redirect our focus and to restore our sight, we would see that there is obvious evidence that the Almighty does indeed love us intensely.
Below are the words to "Love Never Fails." As you read the words, consider ways that God is trying to win your heart. Reflect upon the words. Imagine it to be God's song to you. Allow your heart to be captivated. Know that his love truly never fails.

Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most

Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time

Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don’t

Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you

When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life

Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you

Sonlight

As I had my quiet time this morning, I prayed that I would learn to abandon myself completely to His love. I am realizing more and more that I truly do not know how to love Him. I have come to the understanding that I have absolutely NO CLUE what I am doing or what it means to surrender my heart to His love and power. But I have the hope that the Lord will guide me step by step, day by day. I prayed to be "in-over-my-head" in love with Him and to be overwhelmingly and unstoppably devoted to Him. At the end of my prayer, I asked Him to show me the presence of His love's workings today. I then dragged myself out of bed and got myself ready for school. As I darted out the door to warm up my car a beautiful baby moose ran across the street. Now, a long time ago, I decided to pick something that whenever I saw it, it would be my reminder of God's love for me. To me, moose are the coolest animals, so I chose moose to be my reminder. (I call it my kiss from God.)
When I was driving home from school, I decided to listen to All That I Need by Generation Unleashed, and as I came around the corner, the sun's rays filled my car and I was caught in warm melody of radiance. The sun, such a commonplace constant in our lives, is one of the most remarkable evidences of God's true love for us. On top of it being essential to our existence, it is one of the most breathtaking sights. When you next see the gorgeous glowing rays, stop and recognize that this is God romancing your heart. He is delighted when He can lift your heart and make you smile. Recognize the intricacy of his love.

The End Is the Beginning

I have reached a point in my life where I have recognized that I do not truly know God's love. I once experienced the tremendous joy and excitement of "first love" with Christ when I first took His Name to be my own. I have wandered through the desolate and dry deserts of "wilderness love." And I have emerged thoroughly broken, beaten, and bruised. My attempts to seek instant happiness through false idols have proved to bring about destruction and harm. I have committed adultery against my Lord through my pursuit of worldly "delights." The very thing that I thought would quench the intense thirst of my heart to be cherished, loved, and adored have only diverted my heart from the true Lover. I then journeyed to a land of discontentment and bitterness towards God. I questioned Him relentlessly, asking why I was not being romanced by an earthly suitor? Why was I to be alone when all of those around me are blessed with earthly companionship? I then heard his answer, a gentle whisper saying, "Why won't you let me love you? Why do you resist my love? Why can't you see my intense pursuit to win your heart?" My heart became quiet. I have released my struggle to fight for what I think I need. I am on my knees.
I am committing to writing daily of Christ's pursuit to win my heart. I pray that I will have the eyes to see His romance and love in that which I usually overlook. And I understand that this seems extremely personal, but I have been created to be a very open and honest person and my desire is to journey with you in discovering the power of the Almighty''s love.
I am embarking on a timeless journey to discover invincible love. I have seen the shallowness of my love for Christ and I ache to change. My hearts desire is to pursue Him above all and to see with new eyes the true romance that He displays. I want a love that will never fade, or wither, or change, or weaken. I want to be romanced, sought after, cherished, known, and to be desired. I know in my head that my Jesus is the only one who can fulfill these longings, but I yearn to know it in my heart deeply. So I will wait, I will listen, I will see that overwhelming presence and reality of His invincible love.

Many Blessings!
Hannah Rose